Well here's me again. I feel sorta sad that nobody reads this, but what the hell, it's mainly for me I guess. I'm trying to find ways to detach, being like a Budhist type guy, non-resistence (internally), non-attachment, non-judgement. It really works sometimes. Still I am no monk. It's a work in progress as are most things for me. Had a pretty interesting time on Thanksgiving. Went to see my sister, and ate some chicken. It was cool that I was there. Then I went to Kathy's Mom's where their clan has it's usual gathering, and got pretty depressed. It was interesting how K's family seems to still accept me politely and with some affection here and there. Too bad Kathy does not. I guess it really is over between us, but there is this damnable connection that must continue bec ause we have kids. I have cried frequently over this falling apart of my family. Yet, I cannot speak to Kathy about it, because I believe she would either not understand or not care. Women are able to be the coldest creatures. Or at least the ones I pick. It's like I get what I believe I deserve. In this case a woman unable to feel any compassion or empathy particularly for those who are in some way sick, as I am. My mother unable to be physically affectionate, but compensating by being overly protective. K doesn't want to be connected to me in any way that I can tell. She's just stuck with me because of the kids. Ce la vie. Holidays under these circumstances are not very pleasant. They call up the loss. Geez this is depressing, but at least its real. S'pose that's something.