Hello all, or hello me since not too many people even know about this blog yet. I say "yet" with the hope that other's will sometime read this stuff. As the monk said to the self-assured boy, "We'll see..."
Things sometimes look so bleak to me, and the world such an unfriendly place, but I often meet, or speak to someone who lifts my spirits. Tonite was such a night. I had a really good conversation with one of the John Glenn Middle School (Bedford, MA) custodians. Whatever our differences may be we found plenty of common ground in terms of how we might survive the upcoming and present troubles surrounding us all. I talked about the Michael Ben-Eli Bucky Fuller sustainability initiatives, and myself, and he told me some of his story and troubles. Our connection warmed my heart, and I hope to stay in touch with him.
Meanwhile my upcoming separation from Kathy and this house looms ever-larger filling me with many difficult and lonely decisions to make. I wish I could help Kathy to understand why I am unable to fulfill her her expectations as a husband/provider. Thus far I have failed to to find a way, and really in a variety of ways I am just beginning to understand it myself. If she could only see what I have seen with her eyes...
My heart breaks when I think of it all, but ambivalence reigns and I also feel the great need to get away from her disdain and the responsibilities of this domestic life. I truly believe that familiarity breeds contempt particularly in a small nuclear family, or as JW Bush would probably say, "the nuculer family." I have found that I feel much more affinity to a tribal kind of existence. Perhaps that's a way to go. I also resonate with Buddhist thought as well as the Mayan calender cosmology. I pray they are right and we are coming to a wonderful new paradigm in human and planetary evolution. This is to take place in 2012. I believe the beginning of that momentous shift is to commence on October 28th of that year. It's not far off so "we'll see..." More as it happens. Goodnight and best wishes to you all.